“Pilgrim or Not Everyone Will Understand”
Pilgrim – the young pretty blonde woman
Mr Chaos – the doctor
Mr ImpossibleThings – the genitals of the Doctor
Mr NotEveryone – the brother of Pilgrim
Black Suit – the black suit who can talk
‘Away’ – the planet and the club
Police station. Friday. 8 am
Policeman 1: (looking through the glass at the pretty blonde woman in the black suit) I still can’t get it.
Policeman 2: (nervously) I’m telling you, I was on the way to the office when I saw her, driving veeery slowly. I have followed her, on my new bicycle, until she hit the tree.
Policeman 1: (sipping on the hot coffee, taking the picture of the woman behind the mirror and posting it on the instagram) Hashtag #DrivingSlowly
Policeman 2: And do you know what had disturbed me the most? I parked my bicycle…
Policeman 1: (interrupting) What? Her tits?
Policeman 2: I am gay!
Policeman 1: (yawning) Me too. Still gimme some titties with nothing on it and I’m a game!
Policeman 2: Listen. It was her black suit.
Policeman 1: What’s about it?
Policeman 2: (whispering, excited) It wasn’t on her. It was sitting on the passenger sit. And it was talking to her.
Policeman 1: (mocking) And now she is inside of it. Smart lady.
Policeman 2: I am serious, bro. I’m telling you – this woman isn’t a woman.
Policeman 1: I’m going in to ask her a couple of questions. Following or staying here?
Leaving the room.
Investigation room. 8.20 am
Policeman 1: On the record: Investigation of the ‘Slow Driving Crime’ (to the microphone). Full name and address, Miss.
Woman in the black suit: Pilgrim. The Planet ‘Away’.
Policeman 2: (laughing) How ‘high’ is that?? Haha
Policeman 1: Where’s exactly this ‘Away’ located, Miss Pilgrim?
Pilgrim: (with a very serious voice) Between ‘There’ and ‘Nowhere’.
Policeman 2: (in a rage, splashing his saliva around the room) She is playing with us! Stop the bullshit, bitch! Tell us about your black suit!!
Pilgrim: (still serious) I am on the mission. My black suit is a weapon for determination of the stupidity. For the humans (and she smiled at the policeman 2) – like you…
Policeman 1: (pressing on the invisible key under the mirror) Enough! Call Doctor Chaos! We need him immediately here!
Cafeteria of the police department. 2pm
Dr Chaos: I need a private session with this woman.
Policeman 2: (with envy in his voice) Last time you’ve spend an hour with the girl, she couldn’t walk.
Policeman 1: Thats true! (opening the Instagram and showing the picture to the Doctor) Remember that? Hashtag ‘FloatingCock’? We almost lost her.
Dr Chaos: (slowly closing his eyes) Boys, it is called ‘Mr ImpossibleThings’ and sorry, but it makes girls talk. Do you want her to talk or no?
Policeman 2: Make her suffer!
Policeman 1: (chewing cardamon roll) Make her sign the papers (showing at the box on the floor) and force her to admit, on the record, that she have killed 745 people in the past 12 years.
Dr Chaos: Nothing is impossible if ‘I am’ ON IT!
Policeman 2: I doubt that.
The conference room in the Police Department. 3pm
Dr Chaos: I have a surprise for you!
Pilgrim: Do you mean the bed in the corner?
Mr ImpossibleThings: (demanding) Tell her to undress, Chaos, otherwise I wont stick my head inside of her. She does look like a threat to my ‘soft society’ right now.
Dr. Chaos: (to Mr ImpossibleThings) Of course. But please focus, investigation needed. On the most deeeeepest level.
Pilgrim: I can hear you both.
Dr. Chaos: Sure you does, sweetheart. Now: spread the legs, I’ll give you the anaesthetising injection, (grinning) then we’ll continue to chat.
A man in the similar black suit arriving at the Police Department around 9pm. He is claiming that he is the employer of the Ms Pilgrim.
Mr NotEveryone: She is my sister and also my employee. She is working in my strip-club, called ‘Away’ and living in the room right above the bar.
Policeman 2: I knew that! (looking at the policeman 1 with the triumph)
Policeman 1: (to the man in the black suit, ignoring his partner) Do you have any ideas why your sister was driving so slowly and even tried to hit the tree near the station at 7am this morning? Is she suicidal?
Mr NotEveryone: She is not suicidal. Not at all. She has the disorder. But I can’t tell you more without the permission of her doctor.
Policeman 1: We checked the database but we couldn’t find her file. Like she doesn’t exist in the system.
Mr NotEveryone: (in fear) That’s the name of the condition. Non-existence… (the drops of sweat are falling on the floor)
Outside of the strip-club ‘Away’. 10pm
Policeman 2: Do you believe him?
Policeman 1: (busy, scrolling down 2045 pictures of the naked lap-dancers, taken at the club during the interviews) Hashtag #LuckyPoliceman and hashtag #DreamJob
Policeman 2: He does wear similar black suit.
Policeman 1: Hashtag #OneSuitFor2
Policeman 2: (irritated) How about hashtag #DoYourJobOnceInAWhile?
Policeman 1: This hashtag isn’t active after 6pm.
The bar of the strip-club ‘Away’, midnight
Pilgrim: It’s him. I have to destroy it.
Mr NotEveryone: How do you know? Did you blow his ‘ImpossibleThing’? You have told me at the station you didn’t touch it!
Pilgrim: (cold-blooded) I didn’t. It was the other way around…And don’t worry, I won’t allow him to spread the disease any time soon. I’ll kill it!
Mr NotEveryone: We aren’t THE MURDERS! We are the damn citizens of this sick planet and we are very VERY law-abiding citizens. At least for now. (he is almost hissing) We don’t wanna bring attention to the ‘Away’, don’t we?
BlackSuit: We won’t if we’ll split…
Pilgrim: And if I’ll be naked he’ll trust me even more…
Mr NotEveryone: (in a desperate voice) Remind me the name of this place again, Black.
BlackSuit: (opening the sleeve, scrolling) ‘The Earth’?
Mr NotEveryone: Ok, add info – ‘the place where people trust to the naked chick more than the dressed one’.
Do not forget to smile! Ta – ta!
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