The 50 phobias of August Gray (18+)

This short CSSA is written for  FEAR the FEAR Writing Challenge. I’m using the title ‘The 50 shades of Grey’ (note: I haven’t seen the movie and never read the book) and different kinds of fears.
Also I have used the word ‘Modesty’ for #coolprompts
For Ragtag Prompt – the word ‘Trace’
For Fandango’s One Word Prompt – ‘Curtail’

Heroes: 

Mr August Gray aka SpillOutMyGuts – famous paparazzi
Ms RidingYourFace – new secretary
Mr ViolentVibration – co-worker and photographer
Mrs CuttingOffTheOxygen – the mom of paparazzi

Scene 1.

So many factors can curtail a career. Ms RidingYourFace knew that very well. But her brain injury and international ambitions pushed her towards a new roads – to become a full-time secretary for the most famous paparazzi in the world, Mr August Gray (known also as Mr SpillOutMyGuts). 

Ms RidingYourFace learned her skills by studying the pictures out of the old gossip magazines. She was ready.

The office.  

Mr Gray (looking at the table full of photos): …mmm, strip away the metaphors, dear. That’s what I’m telling! Add the photo of her butt and the one at the party, where she looks completely wasted.
Mr ViolentVibration: Will do. But it was taken 15 years ago, August.
Mr Gray: Order is order. My mom always says that, and moms are always right. (after the pause) If you want I can call her for the double check.
Mr ViolentVibration: (scared) No. Let’s do as you said.
Mr Gray: C’mon, I’m just kidding, haha. Let’s go to the bathroom – for the inspiration (he winked). You know well I have this freaky autophobia, can’t be alone there. (on the way to the toilet) Don’t forget to grab the bottle of wine and glasses!

Scene 2. 

The Office. Near the elevator.

Mr Gray: Emily? What’s up?
Ms RidingYourFace: No. My name is Jane.
Mr Gray: Hello Jane! Nice to see you. So fresh and smokin’ hot.
Mr ViolentVibration: She is our new employee. The first day at work.
Ms RidingYourFace: I’d like to say how much I appreciate this opportunity, Mr Gray 

The word made Mr Gray jump …and then – fall

Mr ViolentVibration: (screaming in schock and anger) Call the ambulance! And his mom! 

Meanwhile, Mr Gray aka SpillOutMyGuts have tried to fix the better position for his right hand, while crawling on the floor of the office. He had atelophobia – fear of imperfection.

Scene 3.

Conference-room. 

Mr ViolentVibration: I have no time for your bullshit. You almost killed him. I gave you the list with all 50 phobias yesterday. 
Ms RidingYourFace: I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read it. How is it even possible? He is a paparazzi after all!!
Mr ViolentVibration: Last warning ⚠️  (he pulled out a large, wooden-hard, on the way to become antique ‘Toy’ straight from his jeans).
Ms RidingYourFace: This looks a little bit smaller than on the picture you sent me yesterday.
Mr ViolentVibration: It wasn’t mine. The Boss sent it.
Ms RidingYourFace: THE Boss? Mr Graa..August? I thought he has – ithyphallophobia– the fear of seeing, thinking or having an erect penis.
Mr ViolentVibration: Yes, he does, but he said your butt needed to be trained so you could use it properly…on the battle-field. So – we took the picture.
Ms RidingYourFace: (checking the list of 50 phobias) What about hedonophobia or fear of feeling pleasure?
Mr ViolentVibration: (angry) He wasn’t pleased enough to feel the fear. No more questions!

Her eyes lit up and she positively beamed: ‘What’s next?’ Mr ViolentVibration extended his tongue and almost immediately, muffled groans began to emanate from between slim, tanned thighs of Ms RidingYourFace.
Mr ViolentVibration
had placed the bulb of his powerful Toy at the base of her end…and they both giggled. 

Mr August Gray (while watching the action on the laptop-screen): Keep giggle, guys, keep giggle. 

Scene 4.

The Office. Cafeteria.

Mrs CuttingOffTheOxygen: Well, dear, I think we are drifting off the subject.
Mr ViolentVibration: (looking at her grey shoes) My limit is only 6 hours, you know that.
Mrs CuttingOffTheOxygen: The trick is in placing your ViolentHitachi right at the bottom. We need the bottom-pictures. We are suffering from lack of it! We are loosing our money! Your money!
Mr ViolentVibration: (almost crying) I kept My Power directly on her ‘sweet spot’ and then began to roll it in a circular motions.
Mrs CuttingOffTheOxygen: It was intensely erotic to watch you suffering like that, my dear. But you are the employee. You have to do as you told, otherwise (she slapped his jeans for several long seconds, until poor Mr ViolentVibration collapsed by her side)…

‘Next time concentrate on the mission!’ – were her last words. 

Scene 5.

Big Screen. All the employees of the office watching the amazing shots of the famous actor Mr DreamBig banging even more famous actress Mrs BigBingo.

Mr ViolentVibration: God, that was the most HAWT thing that I’ve ever witnessed. It reminds me that modesty is all gone. Poor fashion-world! This is definitely going to be something that they will do a lot more often, in the future (he winked to Ms RidingYourFace).
Ms RidingYourFace: (with the smile) Ahhh, boys. Always wrong. Look at his hollow, 0,01-inch GRAY silicone-made, caged Toy…
Mr ViolentVibration: (running his fingers along his violet jeans, in despair…) Or maybe he just kill her next time. 

Mr August jumps and then – falls. On the floor. 

Mr ViolentVibration: (screaming) Call the ambulance! And his mom!

The End


Next post/next week – ‘According to Luke Copyright’

It was my last hour, in my own bed…or How To Overcome Sadness?

I just love this title. You?
It sounds really sad, don’t you think?


I decided to introduce you to SAD Luke Copyright today:

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Where’s my bed??

Here’s the Lesson about Sadness:

Sadness is one of the “6 basic emotions” described by Paul Ekman, along with happiness, anger, surprise, fear and disgust. Luke agrees. But he would like to add: 

‘Sadness’ is also a moment when you are loosing connection with ‘whatever you’ve got in your pants’.

Take Away: No connection with your ‘doodle’ = No sex = No happy you

There are only 3 reasons for sadness

No matter how happy we are in our day to day lives, we’ll still have those days when we feel sad. If you are very happy today, go check ‘over-joyful’ post from Becky and buy her some coffee – Timeless Wisdom – #happiness

Reason #1 – Psychological

Example: you woke up and can’t find Melinda (or was it Linda?) in your bedroom. It’s just fkn empty! You are starting to feel sad, because you are usually getting a perfect wood-stand in the mornings. Of course, your sad reflection in the mirror, while you are jerkin’ off in the shower, is the reaction to emotional, intellectual, social and spiritual LOSS!

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Reason #2 – External

Example: You are rushing home, to those awesome soft boobs of Melinda, but instead you are bumping into the bones of very sad Mrs TooDryToEnter. When you meet a person who is already sad, you probably respond with a sad facial expression and your dream or desire to jump on Melinda’s boobs is slowly vanishing…

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Reason #3 – Personal 

Some people are more susceptible to sadness than others are. And you are THAT ONE!
I don’t know, buddy… maybe an extra bj will help?
In any case you can order Luke’s personal help, but remember: you should be a female and not older than 25 (preferebly blonde and Victoria Secret’s Model, or at least trying to get THERE).

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Next and the most important -> How to overcome sadness?

‘Spicy up your nights’

There’s a reason so many people enjoy ‘spicy’: food, parties, girls, bodies… Spicy up until it BURNS! That will send a very strong push-signal to your brain and your d@@k will release some happy endorphins. Who knows, maybe straight on the mouth of the pretty chick… but you can choose any place you like.
Enjoy!

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‘Music – Laugh – Exercise’

All three together and on the bed only!
In the company of the hot blonde beauties (preferably!)

One of the best ways to boost your mood from sad to happy in just a few minutes is – naked, laughing/or dancing Melinda (preferably on the HARDest part of your body).

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There’s nothing better than that!

What? You are sad, because you doesn’t have any Melinda yet?
Dude, for the personal ‘coaching’ in this area – follow Luke and study all his posts with a pen in your hands…thats the only way!

Ha – ha!


Next post – Wisdom From Luke

“Pilgrim or Not Everyone Will Understand”

Heroes:

Pilgrim – the young pretty blonde woman
Policeman 1
Policeman 2
Mr Chaos – the doctor
Mr ImpossibleThings – the genitals of the Doctor
Mr NotEveryone – the brother of Pilgrim
Black Suit – the black suit who can talk
‘Away’ – the planet and the club

Scene 1

Police station. Friday. 8 am

Policeman 1: (looking through the glass at the pretty blonde woman in the black suit) I still can’t get it.
Policeman 2: (nervously) I’m telling you, I was on the way to the office when I saw her, driving veeery slowly. I have followed her, on my new bicycle, until she hit the tree. 

Policeman 1: (sipping on the hot coffee, taking the picture of the woman behind the mirror and posting it on the instagram) Hashtag #DrivingSlowly
Policeman 2: And do you know what had disturbed me the most? I parked my bicycle…
Policeman 1: (interrupting) What? Her tits?
Policeman 2: I am gay!
Policeman 1: (yawning) Me too. Still gimme some titties with nothing on it and I’m a game!
Policeman 2: Listen. It was her black suit.
Policeman 1: What’s about it?
Policeman 2: (whispering, excited) It wasn’t on her. It was sitting on the passenger sit. And it was talking to her.
Policeman 1: (mocking) And now she is inside of it. Smart lady.

Policeman 2: I am serious, bro. I’m telling you – this woman isn’t a woman.
Policeman 1: I’m going in to ask her a couple of questions. Following or staying here?

Leaving the room. 

Scene 2.

Investigation room. 8.20 am

Policeman 1: On the record: Investigation of the ‘Slow Driving Crime’ (to the microphone). Full name and address, Miss.
Woman in the black suit: Pilgrim. The Planet ‘Away’.
Policeman 2: (laughing) How ‘high’ is that?? Haha
Policeman 1: Where’s exactly this ‘Away’ located, Miss Pilgrim?
Pilgrim: (with a very serious voice) Between ‘There’ and ‘Nowhere’.
Policeman 2: (in a rage, splashing his saliva around the room) She is playing with us! Stop the bullshit, bitch! Tell us about your black suit!!
Pilgrim: (still serious) I am on the mission. My black suit is a weapon for determination of the stupidity. For the humans (and she smiled at the policeman 2)  – like you…
Policeman 1: (pressing on the invisible key under the mirror) Enough! Call Doctor Chaos! We need him immediately here!

Scene 3.

Cafeteria of the police department. 2pm

Dr Chaos: I need a private session with this woman.
Policeman 2: (with envy in his voice) Last time you’ve spend an hour with the girl, she couldn’t walk. 

Policeman 1: Thats true! (opening the Instagram and showing the picture to the Doctor) Remember that? Hashtag ‘FloatingCock’? We almost lost her. 
Dr Chaos: (slowly closing his eyes) Boys, it is called ‘Mr ImpossibleThings’ and sorry, but it makes girls talk. Do you want her to talk or no?
Policeman 2: Make her suffer!
Policeman 1: (chewing cardamon roll) Make her sign the papers (showing at the box on the floor) and force her to admit, on the record, that she have killed 745 people in the past 12 years.
Dr Chaos: Nothing is impossible if ‘I am’ ON IT!
Policeman 2: I doubt that. 

Scene 4.

The conference room in the Police Department. 3pm

Dr Chaos: I have a surprise for you!
Pilgrim: Do you mean the bed in the corner?
Mr ImpossibleThings: (demanding) Tell her to undress, Chaos, otherwise I wont stick my head inside of her. She does look like a threat to my ‘soft society’ right now.
Dr. Chaos: (to Mr ImpossibleThings) Of course. But please focus, investigation needed. On the most deeeeepest level.
Pilgrim: I can hear you both.
Dr. Chaos: Sure you does, sweetheart. Now: spread the legs, I’ll give you the anaesthetising injection, (grinning) then we’ll continue to chat.

Lights Off

Scene 5.

A man in the similar black suit arriving at the Police Department around 9pm. He is claiming that he is the employer of the Ms Pilgrim.

Mr NotEveryone: She is my sister and also my employee. She is working in my strip-club, called ‘Away’ and living in the room right above the bar.
Policeman 2: I knew that! (looking at the policeman 1 with the triumph)
Policeman 1: (to the man in the black suit, ignoring his partner) Do you have any ideas why your sister was driving so slowly and even tried to hit the tree near the station at 7am this morning? Is she suicidal?
Mr NotEveryone: She is not suicidal. Not at all. She has the disorder. But I can’t tell you more without the permission of her doctor.
Policeman 1: We checked the database but we couldn’t find her file. Like she doesn’t exist in the system.
Mr NotEveryone: (in fear) That’s the name of the condition. Non-existence… (the drops of sweat are falling on the floor)

Scene 6.

Outside of the strip-club ‘Away’. 10pm

Policeman 2: Do you believe him?
Policeman 1: (busy, scrolling down 2045 pictures of the naked lap-dancers, taken at the club during the interviews) Hashtag #LuckyPoliceman and hashtag #DreamJob
Policeman 2: He does wear similar black suit.
Policeman 1: Hashtag #OneSuitFor2
Policeman 2: (irritated) How about hashtag #DoYourJobOnceInAWhile?
Policeman 1: This hashtag isn’t active after 6pm. 

Scene 7.

The bar of the strip-club ‘Away’, midnight

Pilgrim: It’s him. I have to destroy it.
Mr NotEveryone: How do you know? Did you blow his ‘ImpossibleThing’? You have told me at the station you didn’t touch it! 

Pilgrim: (cold-blooded) I didn’t. It was the other way around…And don’t worry, I won’t allow him to spread the disease any time soon. I’ll kill it!
Mr NotEveryone: We aren’t THE MURDERS! We are the damn citizens of this sick planet and we are very VERY law-abiding citizens. At least for now. (he is almost hissing) We don’t wanna bring attention to the ‘Away’, don’t we?
BlackSuit: We won’t if we’ll split…
Pilgrim: And if I’ll be naked he’ll trust me even more…
Mr NotEveryone: (in a desperate voice) Remind me the name of this place again, Black.
BlackSuit: (opening the sleeve, scrolling) ‘The Earth’?
Mr NotEveryone: Ok, add info – ‘the place where people trust to the naked chick more than the dressed one’.

The End

Do not forget to smile! Ta – ta!


Next post – Wisdom From Luke

How to make your Detox fun! (18+)

Let’s start with the question – what is ‘detox’ and why do you need it?
Oh…I see now.

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Detox is kind of vacation for your body and mind. I’m a firm believer that detox should be a fun experience and that is all about giving yourself what is best for you. And the best for you is…

RIGHT!
Bikinis 👙 

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I’m going to share with you Luke’s Golden Detox Plan. Feel free to use it. And be prepared to look totally refreshed after 24-hours Detox!

1. Focus 

Focus on what do you want to get out of the detox. Is it about having more energy, changing your relationship with the last girlfriend or boosting your sex life? 

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2. Journal your goals

I’d even advice you to create a vision-photo-board to get really clear on what do you like and what do you want to achive! Having all those photos right in front of your eyes is a very strong motivator, guys, and it will keep you on a Detox-track!

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3. Invite friends to challenge you

So if he said ‘one’ – then you’ll say ‘I can ten’.
It is very important that you don’t feel like you’re doing all that alone… A friend or two, to share all the successes with, will make your ‘Detox’-day a more enjoyable experience!

4. Sex-hydration

It is the key!!! Keeping yourself properly hydrated with a bunch of beauties in a hot bikini-suits or without them! – will help flush out allll the fukin’ toxins away!

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 About author: Luke Copyright is an award-winning Spiritual Mentor and Life Purpose Guru. He empowers and supports all the guys in the world, who want to Live their Highest Purpose Life (because they worth it!).

Result of Luke’s 24-Detox: 

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Images – from Tumblr
Next post – Wisdom From Luke 

The causes of fever (18+)

Do not forget to smile!

Heroes:

Doctor – Mr GiveMeABreak
Concierge – Mr FullyErected
Gardener – Mr SwollenEnough

Wife – Mrs AggressiveMouth
Step-son – Joe GrabIt
Husband – Mr Begging4Tomorrow
Young model – Ms DeepExplorer 

Monday. 11am 

The Office of the Doctor. 

Mrs AgressiveMouth: It’s all the fever, Doctor. Some mild diseases produce very high fevers – and severe illnesses can produce mild fever. Therefore, I am very sick!

Dr GiveMeABreak: But, my dearest, your husband is complaining that each time you are seeing him you are moaning loudly and begging to be…let me find the appropriative word. Hm, ‘filled’?

Mrs. AggressiveMouth: Because I’m starving (she lifted doctors shirt, unzipped the trouser and turned enough to engulf his treasure…)

Dr. GiveMeABreak: Did I say it was necessary? But it feels very juicy, Mrs Agggrrrrrrrr

1pm

Mr FullyErected was prepared. He knew all about Mrs AggresiveMouth, what she likes or dislikes, because he had installed the camera inside of the main office. He also sold all ‘film-sessions’ to the local gardener and even to the husband, Mr Begging4Tomorrow. 

Mrs AgressiveMouth (in the dark small concierge-room): So? 

Mr FullyErected: It is there. (paused) Between.

Mrs AggressiveMouth: But I can NOT find anything. Maybe we should do that outdoors. Too dark here.

Mr FullyErected: Girl, you are probably completely exhausted after the visit to the doctor. Look, I’m holding it. 

Mrs AggressiveMouth (staring at his hand): Maybe we should take a walk first?

Mr FullyErected: I can’t walk with a cum-loaded gun and the room is only 2 meters long. He need a deep, very deep cleaning, please (looks sad)

Mrs AggressiveMouth (investigating the area): I need a breath of the fresh air, can I open the window?

Mr FullyErected: That’s a great idea! Dreaming to get pounded by a Big Star while a dozen more folks looking at you..?

Mrs AggressiveMouth: I’m really worried about your mental health, Harold (on the way out)

1:02pm

The garden. Two in the bushes.

Mr SwollenEnough: Shit, your mum is on the way out, Joe. 

Joe GrabIt: He’ve promised to keep her busy an hour or so. A fuckin’ lair! If she’ll find out that my step-dad is trying to leave to Hawaii with Ms DeepExplorer ..I can’t even imagine what she’d do to my dad (looks worried)

Mr SwollenEnough: (chuckling) Only nice things…

Joe GrabIt: You gonna help us. You owe us the money, dude. A lot! (he grabbed the biggest part of ‘Enough-ness’) Try to keep her busy or next time… (he looked down at the swollen parts of Mr Gardener)

1:04pm 

In the garden, near the gate. 

Mr SwollenEnough: (without trousers, but with the scissors) Madame, I’d like to get the advice about my wild flower.  

Mrs AggressiveMouth: (carefully) Its kinda blooming. Oh sweetheart, I’d like to help, but my my mouth are totally exhausted today and it is only 1pm (she takes 2 steps closer to the gardener) mmmm, what are you doing here outside? (flirting) You should become a doctor, haha.  

Mr SwollenEnough: Once upon a time I was a doctor, but if you’d like to hear the rest of the story you have to follow me downstairs. 

Mrs AggressiveMouth: Only to check that 10-inches flower. 

Mr SwollenEnough: It is 11. And it is a special sort, called ‘mallet’, hits like a hammer.

Mrs AggresiveMouth: I doubt that.

9pm

The gardeners bunker. 

Mr SwollenEnough: (collecting his cum in the sink) Just want to add it to my cum-collection. 

Mrs AggressiveMouth (annoyed): Ok. I have to rush, my husband is probably hungry. And alone. 

3am, Hawaii

Sunny Beach.

Mr Begging4Tomorrow: (over-excited, talking) …and then I told him that the only obstacle to the perception of this reality is man’s own mind with its confused and distorted perceptions. It is called no-mind. To attain this state…

Ms DeepExplorer: (interrupting, leaning against his body) You have to check my steaming-hot reservoir. 

Mr. Begging4Tomorrow: But it is a public place and sex is just the illusion, you have to cut through that and perceive The Truth, Isabella.

Ms DeepExplorer: Who said I won’t? (she bent down and gave a deep kiss to her sad zen-lover)

9:15pm

Someone is knocking on the door of the doctor’s office.

Mr FullyErected (from the darkness): It is closed, lovely. 

Mrs AggressiveMouth: (too agressive): He is just hiding from me. And I have a very high fever! 

Mr FullyErected: I don’t know. Maybe. He left to Alaska.

Mrs AgressiveMouth (in schock): Whattt???? My husband is gone. My son is gone. My doctor, the last hope, is gone. My life is destroyed!!!! 

Mr FullyErected: (takes her hand, offering to find again those missing parts) Let me fullfil your  dreams and empty spaces.

Mrs AgressiveMouth is desperately crying, while trying to find the most fullest part of his promises. 

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Next Post – Pastor Luke Copyright and VS-church 

Jesus has landed in Kyrgyzstan

Inspired by a novel “Christ has landed in Garodni” Vladimir Karatkevich/1972

Heroes:

God
Apostle Peter
Jesus
Girl with a horse
Policeman
Prisoner
Businessman from Shanghai
Abigail (sister of David)

Scene 1

The place was almost ‘brilliant-white’, the kind of white that makes you temporarily blind.

Jesus (entering white space): Peter told me you’ve been looking for me, Father?
God (while watching action-movie, from the chair): Jesus, my child! I have a mission for you. You have to go down to the Earth and open their eyes, tell the truth to those stupid sheeps!
Jesus: …for people? Why I have to sacrifice my own time for them? Abigail gonna come tonight and…
God: Abigail? The sister of David? I could keep her busy for a while…she’ll be here when you get back, my child.

Jesus (packing his bag): I hate people. What am I suppose to tell them? Blah blah, I’m Jesus Christ, do you wanna your ass saved or do you wanna to burn in hell?
God: Forever burn in hell. There’s a difference, my boy. F o r e v e r!
Jesus: Awesome! So when I’m landing in Las Vegas?
God: Vegas? No, Vegas only in the movies. You are going to land in Kyrgyzstan.
Jesus: Kyrgy-WHAT?

Scene 2

Empty grey field. Jesus is waking up in a stark of a hay. He sees a girl with a horse. Nobody around.

Jesus (scratching all his body, jumping on one leg): Hey, you, with a horse, come over here.

The girl and a horse doesn’t move.

Jesus: Peter, ffsake, are you here?
Peter’s voice (but only Jesus can hear him): Yeah, but maybe you shouldn’t talk to me, seems this human is scared.
Jesus: (to the girl) Close your mouth, and tell me – where’s the city?
Silence.
Jesus: I have to go to the city. Do you understand? How long does it take, with your horse?
Girl: 33.
Jesus: Noooo! Peter, I hate my father, go and tell him I want back. Now !! (to the girl) 33 hours? Do you have a casino there?
Girl: d-d-days. What is ga-zino?
Jesus (with the eyes up to the sky): Really, Father?

Day 16, after arriving on the Earth.

Jesus: …so, are you a girl?
Peter’s voice (from above): You are asking a horse.

Day 24, after arriving on the Earth.

Jesus: It was nice. Now say “Thank you, Jesus Christ, for teaching me how to blow your candle.”
Peter’s voice (from above): She’s too quiet. Maybe I should send her to hell? Considering her sins it will be easy…
Jesus: 9 more days, Peter. 

Scene 3

In the city. Near the tiny food store. 2 kids playing in the dirt.

Jesus: (screaming, naked) Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Policeman: Well, young man. Documents, please.
Jesus (touching his own forehead): Don’t you see here is written by God Himself, my Father ->  “J.E.S.U.S FKN. Christ.”

Policeman (to the radio): We have one more drunk Jesus-case here. Send an ambulance.

Scene 4

Peter is knocking on the God’s door.

Abigail’s voice: What do you want again, Peter?
Peter: I have to talk to our Father about his only son, Jesus. He is in trouble.
God’s voice (far away): Already killed?
Peter: Not yet. But he is in a prison and…
God: Great news, Peter! (the door opens) Give me a hug! Come join us with Abigail.
Peter: I think he’s suffering, Father!
God: Why can’t you just relax once in a while…he’s alive, right? (pulling Peter in)

Day 53, after Peter have entered God’s Room.

Peter: I have to go out to…wash my candle.
Abigail: Gooooodddd! Peter wanna leave us!
God (busy, playing the games): What??? No way, Peter! 3 more rounds. Wait until I’ll finish the games.

Scene 5

Prison in Kyrgyzstan.

Jesus: Peter…peter! PETER!!! PEEEE-TTTTEEEE-RRRR!!!
Prisoner: Shut up! Nobody cares about your name!
Jesus (crying): I want home! Up! On the Sky.
Prisoner: We can only pray, dude. To God.
Jesus (angry): To that OLD LAZY LUSTFUL MAD bastard?
Prisoner (to 2 others): Hold him , brothers! (the sound of smashed flesh is filling the room)

Scene 6

God is watching a horror movie. Laughing.

Peter: Abigail is asking when she can visit you. And I just got back from the Earth.
God: Ah.. Anything from Jesus? How he’s doing?
Peter: Last time I’ve seen him he was working for a mafia, in Shanghai.
God: Nice… I knew my boy will find the way to stay alive this time. Hm, remind him about a mission!
Peter: Mission?
God: Yeah, to tell the truth about the Lord of The Universe and All Creation…
Peter: The Real Truth?
God (with a suspicion): Yes. T H E Real Truth. Who have created the Earth? And the stars? And Abigail’s pretty mouth? And your hard candle? (a menacing voice) Do you think it was easy?
Peter: Of course, God, my dear Father…that’s exactly what Jesus is doing in Shanghai. ‘The Mission’!

Scene 7

Businessman from Shanghai: …so you are saying to me that you could steal 3 milliards and send our president to hell? all in one day?
Jesus (fat, bald, smoking cigar): Peter…can we?
Peter’s voice: Depends on the price!
Jesus (to businessman): No problems. Easy-peasy.

Scene 8 (final)

God (still watching a horror movie): Peter!
Peter: I’m here, Father!
God: Blow me. I feel so bored and lonely lately (stroking Peter’s head) Yeah, nice, nice.

Day 15

God (still stroking Peter’s head): …so how is Jesus?
Peter (trying to answer, but can’t): AhdehwfirgkvsmvksjgoW
God: What???
Peter: Jesus died 56 years ago. But he’ve got 2 daughters and 1 son. I’m watching over them.
God (angry): Every time is a Fail! Died?! How he could die without my permission?!!
Peter: So what’s next, Father?
God: Just do your job, Peter, blow my candle! I have to think…

The End

 

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